desires of the heart
I wrote a worship song this morning. Last time I remember doing that was about 35 years ago as a young mom, standing outside on a clear night and being overwhelmed by the beauty of the stars and just started humming a little tune with my thoughts attached. This morning, I was sitting down with my coffee and about to pray and start my daily devotions, when I started to sing, “Come Holy Spirit and speak to your servant today.” And then, “I’m listening now for what you have to say.” That rhymes, I thought. What might be next? The words tumbled out along with a melody and became a prayer song for my morning. I like it. I may work on it some more. I enjoyed doing it. It’s like, well, it’s like God revealed a desire in my heart I didn’t know was there.
There have been a few other things like this in the past year or so. I’ve taken up watercolors. I am loving seeing the depth and spectrum of colors I can create with brushes, water, and paint. Along with that, I’ve taken the time to learn to sketch with a pencil. As if that were a springboard, I gathered some leftover house paint and started working on a large painting. I’m using old pieces of plywood I have laying around, some paper plates for palettes, and paying attention to detail. I’ve started to write in earnest. I’m using the words God is giving me to express truths and experiences I’ve had that maybe will inspire or encourage others. I started a novel. I’m penning some of the more interesting moments and people that have marked my life.
I love doing all of these things. A lot. I didn’t know this creativity was in there. I didn’t know I wanted to do these things.
There have been mental blocks about most of this for many years. I tried and felt intimidated, shamed, shy, not good enough, about artwork, writing, music and other creative endeavors once or twice in the past, so I gave up easily and never returned to try again. Now in my 60s, I am feeling more liberated to not care what anyone thinks except me. And I am finding that creative expression is a joy and I am finding God all over it. It’s like He unlocked a door I had only approached a few times and found the knob hard to turn. He has invited me to try again, and wow, what a beautiful world is behind that door!
I realized a long time ago that the scripture, “Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” means something a little different than it seems on the surface. We flippantly think (maybe openly, maybe subconsciously) that God will give us what we want right now if I am ‘delighting in Him.’ What I have discovered is that He often gives us what we didn’t know we wanted until He gives it.
I found this to be true becoming a mother for the first time. I wanted to have kids, but I had no idea the gifts that came with motherhood and the unknown desires that would be fulfilled. Desires like personal growth, maturity, abundant love, and satisfaction in the quietude of nursing a baby. Bonding with another human being, seeing the fruits of teaching and training. Rejoicing in each child’s discovery of Christ for themselves. So much more.
And now, God is revealing new desires to me and I am like a child myself on Christmas morning opening something I was thrilled to find, and had no idea I wanted. Growth is a sign of life and I am excited to find that I am still growing, even though the world is telling me constantly that I am aging out of life. Perhaps God is showing me that I am getting closer to the splendor of Heaven and preparing me to be a contributing member of its creative society.
What seemingly magical reflections of His glory await us who believe once we see Him face to face!
“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:3, NIV)