hidden
Psalm 119: 11 “I have HIDDEN your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.”
Psalm 143: 9 “Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, because I HIDE myself in You.”
Colossians 3:2-3 “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now HIDDEN with Christ in God.”
Psalm 46:10 “Be STILL, and know that I am God.”
How do we manage in difficult times, in times of not feeling productive or effective or noticed? God’s presence is the anchor I’ve held onto in times of distress. I’ve learned to be alone with God, to go deep, to get quiet, to let the distractions go. I’ve filled my heart and mind with worship, sometimes with worship music playing. We heard a sermon about the wilderness a few weeks ago, “the wilderness is sometimes where we must flee. Deeper into God, His people, His principles.” It is sometimes called, “recentering” but there is a scriptural principle of going back to the simple truth of just sitting with Jesus.
Being in my sixth decade, there have been many opportunities to hide away with God in trying circumstances. Here are a few:
When I felt overwhelmed by the busyness of my church commitments, I took a step back from it all. I rejected the lies that I “wasn’t doing enough,” finding joy in sitting at His feet, unproductive in the eyes of some, but knowing the Lord’s pleasure at my intention to be with him. I went to a lonely, hidden place for a season and found new depths of God there. This was an unpopular decision in our productivity-driven world and sometimes church culture.
When one of my children was wandering down the prodigal’s path for years, I poured out my prayers in journal after journal, writing and praying the promises of God. I practiced the discipline of keeping my eyes on God instead of making myself aware of every infraction, every night this child snuck out of the house, was abusing substances, or skipping school. I actually asked God one day if it was okay if I “put my head in the sand” like an ostrich. I was really asking him if it was okay to keep from being overwhelmed by the details of the situation by hiding myself in the shadow of his wings. He answered a resounding, “YES!”
When my 5-month-old grandson was dying at Duke Hospital from a birth defect, I invited friends who knew how to pray, believed in miracles, and could lead me in worship to come and visit with George and me in the hospital when I cared for him. I kept worship music going, and sang songs of God’s love to that little boy. When he slept, I sat quietly and journaled and prayed, quietly hiding in that sacred space.
When our business was failing through the recession of 2008-2014, I battled fear and uncertainty about the future. Midway through, I found myself in a forced separation from my beloved husband to keep it afloat. He went to work another job in first another state, then another country, and then another city. I thought, “I can handle this for a little while, maybe 6 months, maybe a little more.” At the one-year mark, I marveled that we were still standing. At the 2-year mark, I started dropping my husband off at the airport on Monday morning at 5 am, and picked him up after midnight on Fridays. For 9 more months. We started talking to a bankruptcy lawyer. But God stopped us from proceeding with miraculous provision of work, contracts, or raises on several occasions. After that 9 months, I dropped Kirk off at the airport for what became 2 years in Puerto Rico. And then 2 more years in Charlotte. He gave me assignments to oversee our few jobs here. I learned how to become a general contractor (something I never thought I would do!) We saw each other for a weekend or a week every 6 weeks or so. I spent the lonely days talking to God constantly about our situation. I kept worship music going in my empty house in the weeks he was gone and I was alone at home. I struggled with the disappointment and sadness of not being able to plan our children’s weddings together. There were many days and weeks of loneliness. I learned to hide in the quiet and wait.
I was recently asked to speak on a panel of women who have experienced loss and disappointment in different ways. Others spoke about the death of a loved one, the disappointment of a struggling child, a broken relationship with a parent. I spoke about the recession of 2008-2014 and its effect on our business and family. Below are some of the prompts we were given and my answers.
1. How did this situation affect you personally and in your faith journey? Personally, I was sad about being separated from my husband, about potentially losing everything we had worked for. It affected my faith journey deeply, because I was shocked that although we had “followed all the rules” of generosity, tithing, being faithful to follow God’s ways, He still allowed it to happen. I had to come to grips with what my faith was really in - was it in God, or in following the rules, doing the right thing, being obedient? Would I love and serve Him anyway? What was my true motivation?
2. What was the most challenging point of this season? When we hit the one-year mark and wondering where God was, did we miss His direction/call, did we need to throw in the towel?
3. Did you ever feel like giving up on God? No, I was solid in my walk with Him, but I questioned my ability to hear His voice.
4. What was the turning point, and how did you see God at work in your situation? About one year in, when I was still incredulous about our situation, I had a coffee date with a wise 80-year old lady, who challenged me to stop complaining about my situation, and see it as God’s plan. Once I “settled in” to this new way of living (that I did not want!) I was able to function in the new normal.
5. How have you maintained your faith if the situation is ongoing? It lasted for 7 years, and I can say that my husband and I grew tremendously during that period and began to view the challenges differently (for instance, while he was living in Puerto Rico, we treated each of my visits as a mini-honeymoon).
6. What type of support was most helpful, and what wasn’t? Helpful: Friends that weren’t shy to be truthful and hold me accountable, friends that encouraged me, prayed for me, and checked in, family/friends that invited me for a visit or out to dinner so I wouldn’t be lonely. Unhelpful: those who encouraged us to give up, to file for bankruptcy, to sidestep integrity for gain, to basically deny that God had called us to this.
7. What would you say to a woman going through a similar experience? Spend time hidden away with Jesus. Get used to the quiet. Be patient and listen. Seek counsel about God’s direction for your life, embrace the challenges, stay the course, find people who will encourage and not discourage. I’ve been able to press into God’s presence. I’ve had to learn the discipline of being still, of being alone, of waiting, and listening. I’ve HIDDEN myself in God, in the shadow of His wings.
I’ve learned to press into God’s presence, to learn the discipline of being still, of being alone, of waiting, and listening. I’ve HIDDEN myself in God, in the shadow of His wings.
How can you actually do this? What are some practical ways to “re-center?”
Daily - learning the discipline of taking a little time each day to focus on God’s word and prayer. I’ve been using Lectio365 with my husband for the last 3 years or so, and it’s really helped form this daily habit. Each day I begin with this 10-minute audio devotional that has meditative music playing in the background, and I listen to the reading of scripture, and participate in the guided prayers. The opening line is, “As I enter prayer now, I pause to be STILL, to re-center my scattered sense on the presence of God.”
Weekly - gathering with my brothers and sisters in Christ to worship, pray, and learn together. These people are the “skin-on Jesus” I’ve leaned on in the storms. This fellowship has been a constant source of re-centering as well.
Intermittent - I seek opportunities to go away from my normal routine and surroundings to be alone with God, to seek Him in a new place. Sometimes this is just when I happen to be alone in my car - I will just talk to God as if He were my passenger. Sometimes I am alone at home and worship with abandon and cry out to God my deepest moanings. Most recently was on a hiking trip in a remote part of the world, where I was unable to use my phone for 4 whole days, and just soaked in the beauty around me, undistracted.
Maybe you don’t think you can be alone like that to the point of feeling the nearness of God. Maybe you’re in a season of raising small children or caring for elderly parents. Or you are working a demanding job with little time for anything else, or frantically trying to finish your PhD. I am able to exercise this lifestyle of hiddenness because I kept this as a goal for years beforehand. I did it when I could. Little bites. Tiny, constant steps in the same direction.
8. What is your message of hope in light of your experience? God is WITH us in our heartache and pain, and although we cannot know the outcome, we can be sure that His presence and peace sustains when we HIDE ourselves in Him. We must constantly remember that this life is temporary and our real life is hidden with God. Colossians 3:2-3 “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now HIDDEN with Christ in God.”
Now far on the other side of this loss, I look back and see all that the Lord did for us in that hiding place. We had the privilege of celebrating each visit during our separation as a fresh encounter, and it kept our love alive during years when many couples lose their spark. We learned what it feels like to rest in God’s provision, and not fear the days ahead. We were able to see miracles related to our finances and family. We had an incredible reconciliation with a family member as a result of the financial pain. And because God met us at our point of faith, we came out on the other side with multiplied resources, love, and relationships.